10 Reasons That I Should Have Talked To A Coach During My Time In The City

For over 25 years I worked a trader in “The City”. My journey has been full of challenges and ultimately I transitioned out of a senior position into what felt like a more meaningful career, qualifying as both a therapist and an executive coach. It’s been a tough ride, to say the least!

Looking back, I can’t believe how much easier my life in general, and this transition in particular, could have been.

These days I am aware that a lot of the decisions I struggled with at the time could have been seriously alleviated, if only I had known then what I know now. This is what I want to share with you today.

Over the past 6 years my retraining has given me a new perspective and having seen the struggle from both sides, I’m offering a few insights in the hope that you won’t make the same mistakes that I did. If any of it resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

But firstly, here’s an invitation for you: Back then I wish I taken some time to REALLY consider the following questions. If I did, they may not have lingered in the background, making me uncomfortable, but I could have faced them head-on. So if you can afford to take an extra five minutes out whilst reading this article, ask yourself the following, and be really honest with yourself.

· Am I living the life that I want?

· What is stopping me doing something different?

· Do I feel in a rut and don’t know how to get out of it?

· Do I feel that I don’t have any options?

· How’s my work/life balance?

· Is my work affecting my home life?

· Is my home life is affecting my work?

· Do I feel that I should be doing more with my life?

· Do I want to be a more productive member of society?

· Am I too tired to do the things I enjoy?

· Do I have an ‘inner critic’ who gets in the way?

· Do I know “who I am” and am I living my life that way?

· Am I too indecisive?

· Do I worry too much about what people think of me?

· Do I feel like an imposter sometimes, that people will see through me one day?

· Do I fear failure?

All of us have moments in our lives when we think about some or most of these questions. But generally that’s what they are, moments. We rarely get the chance to do a deep dive and to really think and start to work out ways to do something about them.

When I reflect back on my time in the City I cannot really remember when I had the opportunity to step back and have the sort of conversations which would have enabled me to really get a sense of how my life was going.

Of course we talk to colleagues, managers, friends or family but all of these tend to be in a silo. Our lives aren’t simple — work affects our home life and visa versa. Navigating a career is challenging, but, like any project, it needs planning, thinking about, adapting and follow through.

So when would have it been helpful? Here are some of the questions that I remember thinking about before the realities of getting on with the job took me away from the bigger picture:

The Early Years

· Am I on the right path?

· Have I made the right career choice?

· How do I get myself noticed?

· How do I continue to make myself marketable?

· What skills do I need to work on and how do I do that?

· How do I cope with difficult colleagues?

· How do I cope with a challenging manager?

· I am thinking of starting a family. How will that fit in?

· Have I got the right work life balance and how can I address this?

The Middle Years

· Do I stick or twist — do I continue to try to move up the company ladder or get an uplift in salary and a new challenge by moving somewhere else?

· What skills do I need to work on to be an effective manager?

· What skills do I need to focus on to be a leader?

· How can I become a better speaker, a better communicator, a better manager of my time?

· How can I be more present with my family and not think about work so much outside the office?

· How do I even begin to think about a second career?

The Later Years

· How much longer do I want to do this for?

· What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

· What are my options if I want a second career?

· How can I afford to take risks and try something different?

· How do I deal with redundancy?

· What else am I qualified to do?

· What have I always wanted to do but never have?

Do you recognise any of these? Chances are that at least a few of them operate in the background as you’re going about your day.

A lot of these questions can be asked of ourselves at any point in our careers and no doubt we find ourselves pondering some of them in moments of quiet. Unfortunately though, like most thoughts they are transitory and never get the attention that they really deserve.

Your career, your life can be viewed as a project — with goals, timelines, crossroads and a constant stream of decisions to be made. No one would take on a long term work project and not see the benefits of regular updates — how is it going, what is and isn’t working, what needs to change, what new challenges have appeared, has the goal changed, are there better ways of doing this? Everyone involved would sit down and try to come up with the best way to navigate both the next stage and the ultimate goal. Why should your life or your career be any different?

So to summarise here are the 10 reasons I wish I had spoken to someone during my career?

1) I wish I could have spoken to someone about how to leave my work at the doorstep and be really present during family time.

2) When my daughter was ill in 2015 I wish I could have spoken to someone about how to juggle the demands of work with an extremely difficult family situation.

3) I wish I could have spoken to someone about how to be a better manager and ultimately a better leader.

4) I wish I could have spoken to someone who could have explored my feelings of not being good enough.

5) I wish I could have spoken to someone about overcoming my dread of public speaking

6) I wish I could have spoken to someone when I felt stuck and could not see a way forward.

7) I wish I could have spoken to someone about how to deal with challenging senior executives.

8) I wish I could have spoken to someone about exploring my options if I decided to leave the bank.

9) I wish I could have spoken to someone about job offers and explored the pros and cons of leaving.

10) I wish I had spoken to someone to explore my fears of change and of doing something different.

Imagine how helpful it would be to have some quality time deliberating some of the questions above. Imagine having a time-out with a thinking partner, on a regular basis, to really drill down into these issues, work out your options both now and in the future and then be held accountable for whatever you decide to do. To have a plan, to take control rather than let external factors drive your default life. Having regular meetings with someone who can help you take stock of where you are, where you want to go and how to get there, can help you discover the changes that will make your life less stressful, more fulfilled and give you that sense of being in control.

Talking to someone who has no vested interest, apart from you and your issues, is so powerful. So if any of the above questions have resonated with you and you would like a conversation to explore both the power of coaching and how it can help you then please contact me at phil@philbergman.co.uk.

As Pete Carrol so poignantly summed it up once:

“Each person holds so much power within themselves that needs to be let out. Sometimes they just need a little nudge, a little direction, a little support, a little coaching, and the greatest things can happen.”